feeling a little wobbly today

3 more boxes checked off... We are almost to our first $1,000 mark!  

Spent my $10 allowance yesterday on iTunes music.  Felt GREAT about it.  I love having new music.  I bought 2 smaller albums - the Blind Pilot "iTunes Sessions EP" and the Gregory & the Hawk "The Boats and Birds EP".  Both are awesome; I've had them on shuffle/repeat since yesterday. 

I've felt very tempted this week to buy things.  Almost bought a $16 notebook yesterday at Paper Source for my class, and then realized that I didn't really love it, didn't need it, and was wanting a new notebook because I'm wanting SOMETHING to make me feel more secure and confident about my decision to take this class.  

How often have I done this in my life?  Many, many times, I am sure, and it's not good.  

We were standing at the cash register, and I said, "You know what, nevermind."  I felt relieved immediately.  That is a good sign; as a rule I tend to put lots of things back right before I get to the cash register, and tell myself that if I'm still dreaming about it the next day, I'll come back.  99% of the time, I never think about the put-back things again. 

What I needed to do was find security inside myself, not as a result of a crisp, artsy new notebook.  

I should say need, not needed - because I am still feeling insecure about this class.  Can I really be a fitness instructor??  It's hard - you have to show your stuff in front of everyone, and I'm still such a beginner, and others are so much better than I am...

All the more reason to realize that a notebook is not going to help me!  

haha... doesn't it sound so ridiculous now?  But that is truly where my mind went... "Ahh, I'm feeling unsure of myself - a new notebook will help me feel strong and capable and smart!!"

Silly!  It's so silly.  

But I can see that I am learning, and my mentality is changing a little bit.  With each relief-filled item put back on the shelf and declared unnecessary for my happiness, security, and self-worth, I am gaining control.  And that, my friends, is the goal here. 

-O

$10/week & Taking It Personally

I spent the first of my $10/week allowance today.  

Bought coffee at a coffee shop on the way to work.  

It felt so good!  I've had this $10 in the back of my mind all week, wondering what to spend it on.  

In the old days, $10 would be long-gone by now.  I probably would have gone to a coffee shop at least once, and made some kind of other purchase at the grocery store or something.  

I'm learning to love making things at home like special coffee drinks, iced coffee... And spending time doing things at home that I love.  I've been getting back into knitting and crocheting... and we've been watching some great movies.  We love our place.

I feel settled in a new way.  Courageous and convicted and like I am doing the right thing.  

Now if I could just drag myself to the gym since we still have a membership we can't get out of.

(working on that!) 

found a great quote on Confessions of a Young Married Couple the other day:

"And no matter what end of the spectrum you find yourself, the first thing to remember about money is that you can’t take it personally. 

 

I know, I know.  It’s your money.  Of COURSE its personal.  And I’m not saying that it isn’t personal.  I’m just saying you can’t take it personally.  Having the discussion (and subsequent discussions throughout the rest of your marriage) about money is already hard, but it helps to talk about it as if the two of you are starting a small business.  And you sort of are.  Operating a family budget makes you the CFO of your own company, your own little empire.  And you can’t be a good CFO if you take every discussion about money personally."

This was a helpful quote, because money feels so personal.   Our deep-down reasons for getting into this much debt are insecurity, lack of self-control and who knows what other reasons - but they are most definitely personal!  (Even if we'll talk about them here)  That's what makes the decision to face the facts and pull out of it that much harder!  We have only ourselves to blame, and we have only ourselves to save us. 

And we need to address this in a business-like fashion.  As though we are the CFO's of our own company.  Our debt payoff company.   It helps to not get bogged down in hopelessness to think about it this way.