Friday, October 8, 2010

feeling a little wobbly today

3 more boxes checked off... We are almost to our first $1,000 mark!  

Spent my $10 allowance yesterday on iTunes music.  Felt GREAT about it.  I love having new music.  I bought 2 smaller albums - the Blind Pilot "iTunes Sessions EP" and the Gregory & the Hawk "The Boats and Birds EP".  Both are awesome; I've had them on shuffle/repeat since yesterday. 

I've felt very tempted this week to buy things.  Almost bought a $16 notebook yesterday at Paper Source for my class, and then realized that I didn't really love it, didn't need it, and was wanting a new notebook because I'm wanting SOMETHING to make me feel more secure and confident about my decision to take this class.  
How often have I done this in my life?  Many, many times, I am sure, and it's not good.  
We were standing at the cash register, and I said, "You know what, nevermind."  I felt relieved immediately.  That is a good sign; as a rule I tend to put lots of things back right before I get to the cash register, and tell myself that if I'm still dreaming about it the next day, I'll come back.  99% of the time, I never think about the put-back things again. 

What I needed to do was find security inside myself, not as a result of a crisp, artsy new notebook.  

I should say need, not needed - because I am still feeling insecure about this class.  Can I really be a fitness instructor??  It's hard - you have to show your stuff in front of everyone, and I'm still such a beginner, and others are so much better than I am...

All the more reason to realize that a notebook is not going to help me!  
haha... doesn't it sound so ridiculous now?  But that is truly where my mind went... "Ahh, I'm feeling unsure of myself - a new notebook will help me feel strong and capable and smart!!"

Silly!  It's so silly.  

But I can see that I am learning, and my mentality is changing a little bit.  With each relief-filled item put back on the shelf and declared unnecessary for my happiness, security, and self-worth, I am gaining control.  And that, my friends, is the goal here. 



  1. It's so interesting listening to you describe what is in effect the same evolution that I now know I went through when I was your age.
    Sorry that sounded so patronising but I don't know how else to say it.
    When I was young I was my father's daughter. He believed if you earned a fiver you should spend a tenner and have a damn good time doing it.
    I was the same.. if I wanted it, I bought it.
    Then after some financial trouble I slowly began to morph into my mum, who was the sensible cautious one.
    Without Mum, my Dad wouldn't have bankrupted us exactly, because he was a good provider.. but they would not have enjoyed any financial security.. which in fact they did.
    When you're 23 [as I was] you feel invincible, and can't imagine that financial security could ever feel better than that new pair of boots you've had your eye on... or that really stylish notebook that represents a clean start. But I can hear in your posts that you are already getting a flavour for how utterly fabulous being financial independant is....
    So kick 'wobbly' in the gonads and carry on.. those other people are NOT all better than you, and you will be fine.
    Jo xx

  2. Jo, I am so grateful that you found our blog... you have been so encouraging. We were just sitting here talking about your kind comments.

    It IS fabulous... I am learning. And I wanted to say thank you, because you're helping!

    : )


  3. I'm glad I found it too..
    You've made such a fantastic start, with the paying off of the debt... you're rather inspiring..
    Jo xx